How to be Famous

This has to fall under the category of rants. Last night I was at Target (yes, I know, Target on December 23. Not good). Anyway, as I'm walking out I pass the book section, which is like a tractor beam, pulling me in. As I persue the offerings, I find a bright yellow book entitled How to be Famous, by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, a/k/a Speidi. What is this? Heidi and Spencer (for those of you who live under a rock -- I hope you catch the sarcasm) are a couple of A-List wannabees who are maybe C List on a good day. If you missed their performance on last summer's "I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here," a short-lived Survivor-knock off show, you missed the best cheese with that whine performance I've seen in ages by Heidi.

The book is a handbook on becoming famous, and contains such priceless gems as this: "Go where the paparazzi are. They won't look for you (at least at first) so go where the paps are." You have to love it. Speidi have taken an eponym (paparazzi is the name of a character in Felini's La dolce vita, not, as most people assume, Italian for photographer) and created another one out of it, probably because paprazzi, with its four syllables, is too hard for either of them to pronounce. But I digress. The whole idea of Speidi writing a book on becoming famous is ludicrous. These are people whose only claim to fame is that they are famous.

Anyway, if you're looking for a last minute gift for the narcissist on your list, this might be it.

Pheasant Hunting

November brings the annual pheasant hunt in Utah. It's not nearly as big as it was even 30 years ago, let alone in the mid-1950s when I used to go out with my dad. Mainly that's because there is far less pheasant habitat. But every first Saturday in November I think of those days when we could go out in Cache Valley after school, drive around and likely see pheasants in the fields. So many years I still go out. This year was no exception. Like last year, I took Coco (a/k/a Killer) to the Salt Creek WFA near Tremonton. Last year Coco was a real sissy. She would hardly get off my heels in the long grass and a few times I kicked her under the chin with my boot because she was right behind me. This year she got out more and even got into the deep cattails and rushes. We didn't see anything, not even a hen, but it was a beautiful day.

The Salt Creek WFA is a beautiful place. It's not like the Pacific Coast Highway or the mountains, but in its own way it is so pretty. I've seen fox, deer, hawks, owls and the occasional pheasant there.

Spogg

I just came across a delightful blog called Spogg, the Society for the Promomotion of Good Grammar. It goes along with one I found last year devoted to the elimination of apostrophe abuse. You know, the tendency that people have to make a plural of something by adding an "apostrophe S" as in apple's. Spogg doesn't limit itself to bad punctuation; it points out bad spelling, bad grammar and all sorts of abuse of the English language. I've added it to my blog list. Take a look sometime when you want a little entertainment.

Road Trip

We just finished a road trip to Illinois. Thanks to the cash for clunkers program, we retired the 1994 Dodge van that had served our family so well, at 197,000+ miles. It was sad to see it go, but we got a new Honda Civic, which meant the 2001 Mitsubishi Mirage was an "extra" car. So we decided to drive to Bloomington, IL, to deliver it to Brad and Melanie so they would have 2 cars. Nancy and I set out on Wednesday, Sept. 9, at 5:00 p.m. and made 291 miles to Rawlins, WY, that night. The next morning, we drove 784 miles to Des Moines, IA. Along the way we stopped at the highest point on I 80, a rest stop in Wyoming with a 3 ton bust of Abraham Lincoln. Unfortunately the light was such that had I taken the front view, it would have been in shadow.

In Des Moines, we checked out the medical school for Jeff -- he thinks he might want to attend the University of Des Moines. It looke like a nice school. Then it was another 300 miles to Bloomington, to see Brad, Melanie and Chloe. Although we didn't stop, we passed the self-proclaimed biggest truck stop on I 80, called Iowa 80. It was definitely huge.

We delivered their "new" car, named Maurice the Mitusbishi, courtesy of Leah. They seemed happy to have a second car. It was a short (for me) visit. We had a hard game of Play 9, in which Brad got minus 20 points on one hand, resulting in a double V-snap and picture text to Jeff to brag, then he promptly got plus 24 points a couple of hands later and fell out of contention. The next morning, we all piled into their car and drove to Chicago to put me on a plane home, where I covered the same distance in 2 1/2 hours.

On reflection, I'm struck by the vastness of this country. Driving as far as we did you can see just how big America is. The plains of Nebraska are truly awesome in their own way, every bit as much as our mountains. Iowa is different from Nebraska; there are rolling hills instead of flat plains. Truck stops are interesting places. People meet briefly and then disperse. In the middle of Iowa we ran into two guys from Utah, our cars parked next to each other, both of us doing much the same thing, delivering stuff to family members in other states. Where but Nebraska could you find a lunch buffet offering liver and onions?

It was a great trip, fun time spent with Nancy, an all-too-brief visit with Brad, Melanie, Chloe and little soon-to-be Ezra. Now I'm home and looking forward to work (oh, please forgive me for lying on the Sabbath).

Random Musings

I recently joined Facebook, just because everyone else in the world seems to be on there. On the home page is a blank box entitled "What's on your mind" where you are supposed to write whatever. What's on my mind is this. I have a number of Facebook friends, mostly people in my email list. It's a diverse group. There are people who think George Bush is the devil himself, while others reserve that sentiment for Barack Obama. One of my Facebook friends posted that today is the 60th anniversary of Germany's invasion of Poland to start World War II (she meant 70th, but that's irrelevant to my point). She went on to say that in her mind, January 20, 2009 (Obama's inauguration) is on par with that date. Now, I'm no Obama fan, but equating his inauguration with the start of a world war is a bit much. On the other side, I recently read an opinion by a well-meaning University of Utah student lambasting the Bush administration and asserting that "generational equity" is THE greatest problem facing the United States. By this she meant that she is contributing, forcibly by dint of law, into a Medicare and Social Security program that will in all likelihood be broke by the time she is eligible for its benefits. Granted, this is a problem, but is it THE most important problem facing America?

My point is, it seems everyone (and here I'm guilty of what I'm criticizing) is going to extremes. We as a nation are polarizing ourselves. We demonize the other side. Depending on your point of view, George Bush/Dick Cheney/Sara Palin are Satan or he's Barack Obama/Nancy Pelosi/Harry Reid. Once you've called the president the greatest disaster since the start of World War II, you have alienated him and his supporters. You simply can't reach a consensus because the other side is evil, immoral, unethical, and probably cross-eyed. Of course, the other side has to retaliate in kind, and we end up with a sort of mutual assured destruction.

Can we set aside hyperbolic rhetoric, if for no other reason than that hyperbole, like the boy who cried "wolf," soon loses is impact? As a more aspirational goal, can we have true civic dialog? The recent town meetings with people shouting each other down, waving canes and threatening physical violence are not a good reflection of what is supposed to be the greatest democracy in the world. Can we find a way to disagree without being disagreeable? And in our civic dialog, can we stick to the facts? Just the facts, ma'am, as Jack Webb used to say.

Le Tour

July is here and that means the Tour de France. Yesterday was the team time trial (TTT) and after watching Astana ("the well-oiled machine" in the words of Paul or Phil -- I can never keep them straight), who can argue that cyclists are not high-level athletes. The beauty of the individual riders working as one is something to see.

On the topic of the Tour, please check out my somewhat tongue-in-cheek article on how to watch the Tour in this month's Catalyst Magazine, which you can find online here:

http://www.catalystmagazine.net/component/content/891?task=view&ed=35

On another topic, last week was the Chambers' family annual gathering at Bear Lake. Hopefully I will have some pictures posted shortly. The only downside to the weekend was that Steven's specatular fireworks display was rained out. Not to worry, the fireworks themselves are safe and dry, waiting for Labor Day.

Dogs

My last post, just before my ride home on May 8, led to a dog bite. It was not the way I wanted to end that day. It was a perfect ride, a little on the cool side when I started, but I soon warmed up. I had just crossed the last major street of my ride and was relaxing when suddenly old Sport ran at me and took a hunk of flesh out of my right leg. We spent the evening at the Insta Care, where, fortunately, I didn't need stitches.

Now I'm sitting here at the end of the day looking at my trusty steed ready to take me home, but today it's near 90. Unseasonably hot for May. Hopefully I will neither faint from the heat nor be attacked by a dog again.

Bike Commuting

I'm sitting in my office at the end of Friday, looking at my bike. It's a beautiful day, mid-60s, sun shining, and I rode to work. Unlike last Friday, I won't need a pickup to get home because it's raining. This is perfect biking weather; too bad it won't last and in two months I'll be facing a 30 minute commute in 90 degree temps.

Last Saturday I attended the first ever Salt Lake City Bike Summit. A bike summit is a sort of convention for bikers. Not racers or even touring bikers, but those who promote cycling as a way of life. It was interesting to hear all the work going on behind the scenes to make cycling a legitimate form of transportation. In other countries, biking is "what we do". That was the theme repeated by several of the speakers who had interviewed cyclists in Europe, Asia and other countries where biking is the norm, not a fringe element. One day maybe the U.S. will be there, too.

Cycling

The weather is on again, off again. Today is gorgeous, tomorrow will be in the mid-60s and Wednesday we are back to rain and probably snow even in the valley. It's making cycling very hard. Next Saturday is the Salt Lake Marathon bike ride, that I have done every year since they started it. I'm signed up, but it's weather dependent whether I ride. If it's raining or snowing, forget it. I need to get out a ride more because I'm supposed to be a bike commuter columnist and it's hard to write about commuting when you haven't really started commuting yet. I did, however, drop my mountain bike off for a tuneup. That should really be my commuting bike, since it's a beast and more or less immune to potholes, gravel and other road hazards that can destroy a road bike.

I'm really enjoying my gig as a columnist. I don't yet have a stiff piece of cardboard with "Press" written on it to stick in my fedora, but that might come. Every March there is a national bike summit in Washington, D.C. Maybe next year I'll have to cover it as part of my duties. I could write the trip off as a business expense. The great thing about being a writer is you can deduct almost everywhere you go as research for a story.

Spring Break

Our family is at the tail end of our combined spring break. Last Saturday, March 14, we arrived in sunny California for three days at Disneyland and a week in a beach house at Newport Beach. The whole family was here: Courtney and Robert (though they had to leave on Monday because Robert started school again on Tuesday), Brad, Melanie and Chloe, who left today to return to Missouri, Steven, Cathy, Maddie and Isabelle, who just walked in from riding the Balboa ferry, Jeff and Holli, Melinda, Leah and mom and dad. We've spent our days at Disneyland searching for hidden Mickeys, riding Space Mountain, Indiana Jones, Thunder Mountain, California Screamin', Maliboomer and all the other rides until we were sick, and shopping, adding more to Disney's empire. Courtney figured that they take in over $100,000 a day just in parking.

In getting ready for D-land, as the fam calls the Kingdom of the Mouse, we traded Disney trivia (well, mostly Steven provided it for us), but I discovered there are dozens, if not hundreds, of blogs and websites devoted to to Mouse-dom. That got me thinking about the Disneyland cult. Clearly old Walt was on to something nearly 60 years ago when he conceived of a theme park in the middle of a bunch of orange groves 65 miles from LA. It seems a no-brainer now, but back then I'll bet the bankers thought he was crazy. It also got me thinking that we baby-boomers are the first Mickey generation. We had the Mickey Mouse Show, Annette and all the Mousketeers. When Disneyland opened in 1955, our parents were the ones who took their kids and made it what it is today. Hooray for the old folks.

Square Root Day

Today is Square Root Day (3/3/09), where the month and the day are each the square root of the last two digits of the year. The last square root day was February 2, 2004 (2/2/04) and the next one will be April 16, 2016 (4/4/16). In the last nine years, we've had three (10/10/00, 1/1/01, 2/2/04 and now 3/3/09). Now they start to spread out. I know, this is very left brain, tending to geekiness. But it got me thinking of how many more square root days I might have left and that was kind of sad. I doubt I'll see 7/7/49, because I would be closing in on the century mark by then. I hope to make 6/6/36. Put this way, in three months, I could be gone. Anyway, enough doom and gloom. 6/6/36 is still a long ways off. Enjoy square root day.

My son mentioned to me that coming up is Pi day (3.14). Way to go Steven.

Spring

There 's a definite feel of spring in the air today. The sky is clear, the south-facing slopes of the mountains are bare and I've even seen a few people in shorts and flip-flops, though that's rushing things just a tad.

It's time to start thinking about cycling, especially with the Tour of California going on this week. I spent some time the other day surfing the net for bicycle rides this summer, and found quite a few potential ones. I'd like to be up to at least a 60-75 mile ride by the end of the summer. There are several around the valley and in the Heber Valley, beginning with the Salt Lake Marathon ride in April and ending in September. Of course, last week was the St. George Century and next month is the Skinny Tire Festival in Moab. But the weather hasn't quite been good enough to get outside much yet.

Other Blogs

Today I stumbled across two blogs that are interesting. The first is the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks. It's a blog devoted to the increasing and incorrect use of quotation marks around just about anything, whether they need it or not. You can view it here: http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

The other, which is nearer and dearer to my heart, is the blog of Apostrophe Abuse. This is for all those people (myself included) who grate their teeth when we see a word ostensibly made plural by the addition of an apostrophe. "Toy's", for example. Or a sign in a supermarket advertising "peaches, pears and apple's". You can view that blog here: http://www.apostropheabuse.com/

At the other extreme is the propensity (maybe caused by laziness) to leave out apostrophes where they are really needed, as in contractions. I recently read a book called The Road, which is now a movie, about a boy and his father in a post-nuclear explosion world. It was a great book, very dark and somber. But it was hard reading because the author refused to use apostrophes. He would write "cant" for "can't", didnt" for "didn't", for example. The only time he used an apostrophe was when it was necessary to differentiate, such as "its" or "it's". And he did not use quotation marks for any conversation. Similar to that is Cold Mountain, but at least he offset quotations with a dash.

New Year

Where did December go? I really need to keep this blog up better.

Anyway, the holidays are over. On January 4, my parents celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary. I remember when they had their 35th anniversary and I thought, "how can anyone be married 35 years?" Now they've doubled that and this year Nancy and I will celebrate 35 years. Also on January 4 my uncle died. He was 95. We went to the funeral in Burley, ID, where I saw several cousins and relatives I haven't seen in years. It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining, the sky was clear, it was mild and no wind was blowing. As my aunt said, it was the end of an era in Burley. For over a century there was family there. Now, no one remains and there is no reason for anyone to go back.

January is not normally my favorite month. It's a letdown after the holidays and there is little to look forward to. But recently as I've driven to work in the morning I notice the sun hitting the tops of the Oquirrh mountains, turning them a light pink. The shadows are a hazy shade of purple. The sky to the east is bright with the coming sun. People all around me are hurrying to work and I wonder if anyone notices God saying good morning.