How to be Famous

This has to fall under the category of rants. Last night I was at Target (yes, I know, Target on December 23. Not good). Anyway, as I'm walking out I pass the book section, which is like a tractor beam, pulling me in. As I persue the offerings, I find a bright yellow book entitled How to be Famous, by Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, a/k/a Speidi. What is this? Heidi and Spencer (for those of you who live under a rock -- I hope you catch the sarcasm) are a couple of A-List wannabees who are maybe C List on a good day. If you missed their performance on last summer's "I'm a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here," a short-lived Survivor-knock off show, you missed the best cheese with that whine performance I've seen in ages by Heidi.

The book is a handbook on becoming famous, and contains such priceless gems as this: "Go where the paparazzi are. They won't look for you (at least at first) so go where the paps are." You have to love it. Speidi have taken an eponym (paparazzi is the name of a character in Felini's La dolce vita, not, as most people assume, Italian for photographer) and created another one out of it, probably because paprazzi, with its four syllables, is too hard for either of them to pronounce. But I digress. The whole idea of Speidi writing a book on becoming famous is ludicrous. These are people whose only claim to fame is that they are famous.

Anyway, if you're looking for a last minute gift for the narcissist on your list, this might be it.